Its wedding season and im not impressed

Ive done pretty well making posts...but this may be my last for a little while.  My sister's wedding reception is this evening, and I am leaving for europe tomorrow morning.  As much as I enjoy not saying anything, and simply packing up and leaving...this is somewhat of a goodbye post.  I tried to find a good word to describe the way I have been feeling lately, but I have yet to find the one.  The most basic way I could put it, is that I don't feel like I belong here.  Everytime I leave I come home to a less familiar place.  I know the feeling of coming home to the familiar sights, smells, culture, and people...but despite all of these familiar things...somewhat always seems quite different.  I think what really changes is myself.  

I hate to write such a pessimistic post, but this outlet is rarely read and not much time goes into it.  Scratch that...I will avoid that. Instead, let me say how excited I am to really start my summer.  It has been over two weeks since school ended, and all that has really happened was Florida, some bike riding, and packing.  It has been fairly relaxed, I have gone out, Ive stayed up late and slept in.  Preparing for my sisters wedding reception has been a task, but the party tonight should be fun....even though I have one thing on my mind (leaving).  I am really not in the mood to be around a lot of people...all asking the same questions about how school is going, how long I have left, what I will be up to this summer.  I feel like I should just make a card. When they approach to ask me all of the usual questions, I will just hand them a card which can be a synopsis of my life and future. The card would read: I am in pharmacy school at UMKC, it is a 5 year program, I have 3 years left before I am finished; 2 years of classes, and then the last year is rotations.  This semester went pretty good, its kind of hard but not that bad.  I still live at the lake and commute there....yeah it takes a while.  What am I going to be doing this summer? Well, tomorrow I am leaving for europe.  Where? All over.  Ill be there for 4 weeks.  Then, I am coming home for wheat harvest, to drive a combine out in Dodge City, KS. Ill be home for the 4th of July, maybe I will see you out on the lake.  I am leaving July 6th on a bicycle trip to Denver. Yeah it is far, yeah im estimating that the mountains will be hard. It should take 9 days, give or take 10.  No, I havent gotten a chance to put my sailboat in the water.  No it won't fit on Lake Lotawana.  I want to take it to Stockton, and then either to Florida and the Bahamas, or the Great Lakes...I will have to see how well it works out on Stockton.  The End

Is that what they really want to hear? For some reason I feel like that kind of synopsis just goes over peoples heads.  They ask all the questions, and act legitimately interested... but I feel like I am just giving monkeys bananas.  Ah well... I dont intend on loosing touch with reality.  That is just the way things are.  A standard routine of meet and greet.  

I started this post with the title "its wedding season and im not impressed".  That isn't really what this post turned out to be...but I am always a little scatter brained like that. I thought I was going to write more about all of the people I have been around lately.  I am glad to see my sister found a great guy and all, and they will surely be very happy together, like all of the other couples getting married this summer...but it is just not me.  The gift registry, intricate planning, competitiveness, houses, dishware, napkins, preachers for Gods blessing, or for the unreligious still to apease their families or for tradition.  I would rather not be involved...and I am satisfied that I was able to minimally participate in much of the planning and events.  To me, weddings are a symbol for a normal life together.  The traditions involved, and the points in the bride and grooms life, all lead to a lifestyle not suited for me.  Maybe I am just young still...or maybe I am just different than 99% of the people around me, but I do not work towards a normal lifestyle.  I do not want to shop for a house in a suburban grid with a big back yard, 3 br, 2 1/2 bath, with an interest rate I can afford as long as I keep pluggin away at my job I dont want, and my wife pitches in, just to live. To live for what? If you aren't living to do something with your life then you are dead to me. And when others think of "do something with your life" I don't mean get a degree and a job and make lots of money.  I mean DO SOMETHING, because as of right now I am not impressed.  Apologies for how difficult to follow this one was, Ive got too much on my mind to write in one direction.  If I don't update in the next month or longer...it means that internet was a pain to get in europe, or I successfully fell off of the face of the earth. Either way, I am happy.